


Conniving with Croutons

by thecityofthefireflies



Category: GAYLE (youtube)
Genre: Gen, croutons
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-27
Updated: 2019-03-27
Packaged: 2019-12-18 18:17:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18255293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thecityofthefireflies/pseuds/thecityofthefireflies
Summary: it is a disgrace that there are no Gayle Waters Waters fanfics.Gayle's crouton business becomes personal when Bonnie takes a cold shot at Gayle's chances with her beloved Bruce.





	Conniving with Croutons

**Author's Note:**

> I love the GAYLE series by Chris Fleming too much for there to be zero fan fics for it. Here is my poor attempt at the voices of the characters written in one sitting at 1-2 am.

Gayle was not looking forward to the Meet Me In Hell Croutons management meeting scheduling for the fifth day of the Waxing Moon.  Bonnie was coming over with her beady little eyes of judgement and Dave - Gayle had to pause her train of thought to retch into the recycling bin of empty garlic seasoning containers - had “accidentally” run one of the coasters from the Dining Room Table Set through the dishwasher so now either Gayle had to look like a pattern-blind barbarian with miss-matched wood protectors, deny Bonnie a hot beverage, or allow the table, a tireless servant of this family, to be branded by the bottom of a mug.  So naturally Gayle spent the morning smashing every single mug in the house so that there was no chance of Table Damage. 

 

Bonnie looked particularly smug in her jugular shielding turtleneck.  Gayle met her extra smarmy little smile at the door. 

 

They settled in at the dining room table with a challenging bowl of croutons daring either of them to mistake it for a casual meeting muncher.  Bonnie cleared her dry throat and planted her crossed fingers before her. 

 

“You know Gayle, I was thinking we should expand our Crouton business, try to pick up some new customers.”  

 

“Mmmhmmm and just whom did you have in mind?” Gayle was willing to consider the possible merits. 

 

“Well, I figured I would start with people we knew but know haven’t bought the croutons yet, an easier audience y’know.  Linda bought another four boxes after I reminded her you co-ran the business, Rick Gausman bought some without having a sample, the town librarians, the Trader Joe’s employees, Oh, and Bruce, the dentist.” 

 

“You gave, our croutons, to Bruce?”  Air raid sirens blared in Gayle’s head, the image of Bruce’s mouth, a frequent visitor in her mind, biting down on a Meet Me in Hell crouton filled her mind.  There were many things she wanted to see Bruce put in his mouth, but those canine cracking croutons were not on the list. A primal sort of fear claimed her, swathing her thoughts in a rush of red.  She rose from the table, pony shoes keeping the chair from squeaking on the floor, and walked directly through the glass patio door in a spray of shards like some avenging angel. 

 

Gayle came too from her rage at 5:43 the next morning when the sunlight of dawn warmed up the garlic butter in her hair and the dripping awakened the birds sharing the tree with her.  She almost dropped her binoculars but recovered them using her powerful legs. Realigning them to her face, she resumed her vigilant watch of Bruce’s house, looking into his windows for any sign of oral discomfort.  Apparently during the night she had initially tried to make herself into a crouton, as a means of getting into Bruce’s house - and perhaps mouth- but the plan went awry when the oregano ran out on her legs and right armpit and all the stores in town had closed at 10.  So plan B had to happen. B for Binoculars. No crouton was hurting Bruce without her there to massage his mandibles afterwards. 

 

Her trampstamp tingled but she blamed it on the caterpillars exploring the lipid loaded coating trickling down her spine.  

 

“Gayle?  Is that you”  

 

Gayle fell out of the tree.

 

“Oh hi Brrrrruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuccccccccccee” She intoned, blinking demurely from the broken bush and scattered leaves. She hadn’t seen him leave the house.  She hadn’t seen him in the house either, but she knew every exit. She was getting soft these days. It must be from allowing Dave to wear house slippers instead of house shoes past 8:25 am.  

 

“Why Gayle what are you doing here so early?”  Bruce said, his voice slightly muffled, but still sultry music to Gayle’s ears.  

 

“Oh I was just looking for rare Dawn Treader Butterfly Cocoons.”  She lied. Time to turn the tables and get the real information. “But I didn’t know you were such an Early Riser brucie”  early riser indeed, she’d like to climb that rise like it was the appalachian trail, and she was a young retiree. 

 

“I’m not usually, but I spent the night at the emergency Oral Surgeons!”   
  


“Oh No Bruce, that’s terrible.” 

 

“ It was the strangest thing, I had one of those Croutons you told Bonnie to give me -”

 

So that was it.  Bonnie was trying to sabotage Gayle’s chances with Bruce by giving him tooth shattering croutons and making him associate intense garlickly pain with the Waters-Waters name.  Time to reverse this runaway party bus and throw Bonnie under the wheels instead. 

 

“Ah yes, well Bonnie came up with a new recipe and I wanted only the most discerning of opinions on it before it became part of our product line.”  

 

“Well, after I got over the pain and potent flavor, it made me realize I had tooth decay in my second premolar! Those are quite the crunchy crouton.”  

 

Ill show you crunchy when i wrap you in my powerful thighs and take you to crab city 

 

“What was that Gayle? I couldn’t hear you?” 

 

“Oh Nothing.”  

 

“Gayle?  Fancy seeing you here?  I was just getting my morning stroll and bird watching in!”  It was Mark. 

 

“Hello Mark.”  Gayle turned to retch into the bushes.  

 

“I couldn’t help overhear you mention croutons,  Dave mentioned you had a business but I hadn’t had the chance to try them myself until last night, and wowza!  Those pack a crunch punch!” 

 

“If you need any fillings put back in I can fit you in during the mid afternoon block.”  Bruce offered helpfully. 

 

“Oh no, these teeth are rugged.  But I loved those croutons so much I recommended them to the local health store, Nourishing Nibblets, and they said they would love to support such local entrepreneurship.  They’re going to call you later about scheduling a consultation to try your products! Imagine! You and Dave selling products side by side! People eating your croutons and then using Dave and I’s Pillow For Your Teeth paste!  Anyways, I see a rare Crested Yellow Tip by the corner, but good luck with your croutons!” 

 

Gayle’s initial instinctive disgust at both the mention of Dave and the idea of selling at an indie health store warred with the cunning businesswoman in her.  If she also had a product at Nourishing Nibblets it would wipe the superior spring out of Dave’s khakied steps and would wipe the smirk off of Bonnie’s face. 

 

So Gayle went back home and baked up another batch of Croutons, without Bonnie’s help, and won a spot on the shelves of Nourishing Nibblets.  

 

But it quickly backfired.  Gayle broke the teeth of 80% of the residents in town,again, Bruce was too busy to see her, again, and Pillow for Your Teeth was experiencing the greatest demand ever. 

 

What Would You Have Done? 


End file.
